Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
