why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
