the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize