I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
