How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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