The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
