I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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