I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
