im drinking this country out of the recession.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
