Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
