did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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