We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How external is "for external use only"?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
