I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
