smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
