just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need moral support for this bender
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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