I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
