i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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