i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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