Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
