A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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