do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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