dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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