I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't notice because vodka
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
