Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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