so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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