there was a trapeze. enough said
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
