Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I could make wine with my vomit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
