Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
farters have to be the big spoon...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
