i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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