im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
