so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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