I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
