i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's always time for handjobs
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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