I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
