Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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