Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
