i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
