did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize