cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
