Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM VODKA MAN
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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