i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
