Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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