i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
