You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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