ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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