She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
