We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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