It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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