She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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