There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
