Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
