Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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