Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
