youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
