Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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