5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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