I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
