I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
