carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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