I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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