hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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