I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
