I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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