thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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