I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize