I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
