It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
