Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
