He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
