So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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