if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
