I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize